Can One Small Change Stop The Hurt And Make a Difference in Your Leadership At Home? #208

Let's tackle a typical morning's 'snooze' dilemma and the inadvertent 'sorry' that slips into our dialogues, shall we?

By re-engineering our routines, from where we place our alarm clocks to how we express ourselves, we can experience the satisfaction that comes from moving forward, one small step at a time.

Turn it up as we tackle the habit loop from a different perspective this week!  It's a win/win! We'll continue to grow in faith and edify our stepfamily relationships.

Ready for the FAST TRACK?  Let's see if we're a good fit! Head on over to stepfamilypodcast.com/WorkWithJen to take your first, habit forming, powerful step to live the life you want now!

Need to catch up? Listen to #207 in your playlist!

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Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Philippians 4:6

Chapters

• 0:00 Where Do You Find Comfort?
• 3:14 Nitty Gritty of the Habit Loop
• 4:11 Relational Capital - Ready to Create It?
• 6:00 Tiny Margins = Big Gains
• 7:32 What habits do you want to hone?
• 7:44 Analyzing Habits and Reframing Behaviors
• 8:34 Practice the Art of The Reframe
• 10:10 I hear you bunny-slipper, sleepy, snuggler!
• 11:10 Evidence for Good Sleep
• 16:16 Your Mission This Week
• 18:31 Use Your Voice to Influence Others!

Transcript

Jen Rogers, Certified Coach, Kingdom Entrepreneur, Keynote Speaker, Bible Teacher, Author

#1 Christian Podcast for Stepmoms
🏅Top 1.5% Podcast Worldwide🏅  

208 \\ Can One Small Change Really Make a Difference In Your Leadership, Stepmom?

Do you have a home away from home, a spot where, as you wrap your hands around a piping hot mug of morning coffee, you feel comfy in your big bunny slippers and lovingly worn fuzzy bathrobe? I'm currently savoring the hospitality of my beautiful friend, misty and her home, as I planned this week's episode. My feet are up on the ottoman, soothing music emanates from Misty's office as she crafts genius workshops for women leaders, and her hunka-hunka is out removing what appears to be about six inches of snow from my car. Now I am not going outside today, nope, no, thank you.  

Instead, I'll stay snuggled up here admiring the beauty of God's snow cover trees as I create this episode with you in mind.

Where are you most comfortable? Who are you with when you experience the delight of generous hospitality of a friend? Is there any possible way to create this comfort, this warmth, this joy in your own home? Well, on today's episode, number 208 of the Empowered Stepmom podcast, I'm saying yes, yes, you can reclaim your comfort in your own home, and I hope you say yes too. 

Last week, in episode number 207, I took you down the nitty gritty road of a negative habit loop. You listen to the three elements of a habit the cue or trigger, the routine or behavior and the reward. This week we'll look for the good as we flip the script and focus on a loop that really works. If you're here for the first time, welcome, welcome. I highly recommend you take a listen to episode number 207 first. If you're like me, you might say listen, Jen, I've got this, I'm going to do it my way. Hi, gotcha, how about we make a deal? When you're done with today's episode, roll back to 207 to fill in the gaps. It's all good. 

Now you know when you want to do something, but you don't want to do something you really want. Of course you do!

I've always thought of Paul's words in Romans 7 as a thought twister. I usually have to read it twice, slowly, for it to sink in. You know the passage I'm about to share. Paul says I do not understand what I do, for what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good as it is. It is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me, for I know that good itself does not dwell in me. That is in my sinful nature, for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out, for I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do. This I keep on doing. Now, if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Is that a thought twister for you too? I'll link it in the show notes so you can use your eyes and your eyes. I highly recommend you go back and read it out loud as you process it. 

03:14

Hey, in today's episode, number 208 of the Empowered Stepmom podcast, I'll share how you can use the power of the habit, the cue, the routine and the reward to practice kicking sin to the curb, one teeny, tiny change at a time. Will we go back to the nitty gritty? Yep, we sure will. You were made for this, sis. You can work through the nitty gritty. We can do it together so you can reclaim your power and joy in your own home. When you sit your sweet self down with your hot brew, your bunny-slippered feet will feel right at home as you relish a new victory because you practice habits that work. 

You're not just talking about creating your most harmonious family life right now. You are committed to doing the work. When you do the work, you reap the rewards. 

Are you ready to create relational capital in your family relationships? It all starts with one small habit at a time. 

04:12

The mission of the Empowered Stepmom podcast is to empower you to overcome anxiety, to take back your power and to truly experience joy as a stepmom and beyond. Whereas it's an oft-quoted refrain of stepmoms in most every nation on earth, I don't have any control in my own home. On this podcast, we focus less on control and more on influence. As a woman anointed and appointed by God to lead your family with your man, to take dominion, to be fruitful and yes, experience fruitfulness in your relationships. It's high time to focus on what is in your control, the God-given dreams in your heart and the unique talents and gifts. You have to be an incredibly joyful, influential stepmom. Hey there, I'm your host, Jen Rogers, certified professional life coach, kingdom entrepreneur, keynote speaker and lover of organic dark roasted Sumatra coffee, especially when my hunka-hunka grinds the coffee beans. 

I'm leading you on this journey because there was an extended period of time  -- really, too much time in my own journey, where I craved those bunny-slipper moments and I had absolutely no idea why my angst kept multiplying…well, like rabbits.

 I'm here to share insider secrets with you, a fellow high achiever who knows there is a way to implement biblical boundaries, mindset hacks, habits and goal-studying processes that work for you. 

My mission is to show you how to implement the philosophy of multiplying your satisfaction through what's called the aggregation of marginal gains. What's that mean in plain English, Jen? I'm so glad you asked! 

6:00

Hey, together we'll create tiny margins of improvement, that aggregation of marginal gains. So we'll create tiny margins of improvement in everything we do through the power of habit. Are you ready for the habit transformation fast track? Cool, it's one of my fave, fave places to work with high achieving women. When we experience progress in real life transformation, it is so exciting. If you're wondering, are we a good fit? Wonder no longer. Sweet friend, take the first step to walking out your talk. 

Take the empowerment quiz to find out how private or group coaching can work for you. Your one small step, taking the quiz, can reap huge rewards. One tiny margin at a time, I promise. Head on over to stepfamilypodcast.com/WorkWithJen  to get started. 

All right, let's get rocking and rolling with episode number 208 of the Empowered Stepmom podcast. 

Business is a few simple disciplines practiced every day, while failure is simply a few errors and judgment repeated every day. Jim Rohn.

Do you remember when I shared these questions with you last week? What things do I repeatedly do to get the rewards that I'm seeking in my relationships, in my work, in my home, in my business or in my blended family? 

7:32

What habits do I want to hone? When we analyze a past without judgment and we use it as intel to move forward, we can create incremental change. Here's what I mean. If you let your snooze button boss you around, you know it goes off at five bells and you smash the button the next six times, the snooze goes off. You've got some history to analyze. Putting this in our habit loop terminology, what's the cue or the trigger? That lovely noise machine announcing it's time to embrace the morning? What's the routine? Smashing that button for the next several times, it rears its ugly head. And what's the reward? Staying in bed longer, snatching some more Z's, snuggling next to your hunka-hunka, or delaying the start to a day that may not jazz your soul? 

Let's practice the art of the reframe with this snoozing habit. We'll make the assumption this sleepy woman really does want to get out of bed when her alarm goes off. Are you ready? Let's do it. 

Hey, first, here's an important note about marginal or incremental change. It is sustainable when you start small. It means that you are more likely to prevent burnout and overwhelm. You know that negative self-talk oh I'll never be able to do this that goes on in your head. Yeah, that the added benefit to incremental change is you build up your confidence and your motivation and, unlike the hair's losing outcome in Aesop’s fable, the tortoise and the hair, you'll gain momentum and confidence, one small step at a time, and you won't care what the rabbit is doing. 

So what do you think? What is one incremental change to put a monkey wrench into this habit loop of smashing that snooze button repeatedly? Let's look at that cue. How could we change that trigger? 

Here's what I brainstormed Move the trigger, sis. Move the alarm clock away from your bedside so you must extract your sweet self from the bed Once you're up. You're up. That is a routine that shifts once you change the cue. You discipline yourself by practicing this new routine that, once the alarm goes off, you are out of bed. What's the reward? Self-discipline, positive self-talk, starting your day on time. Easy entry into a marginal shift in what you do to start your day, confidence that you can create change by one really teeny, tiny action. Wait, what's that? Oh, I hear you bunny-slipper, sleepy, snuggler. 

11:09

You don't think there's any benefits to consistently waking up each day? Consider the following bonuses for observing a fixed wake-up time. By the way, I'm getting these after simply typing in the search bar: Evidence for good to support waking up the same time each day. So here are some of the following bonuses:

·       it's easier to wake up.

·       There's less morning sleep inertia. 

·       It's easier to fall asleep. You have less insomnia. 

·       There's decreased sleep deprivation. 

·       You take fewer naps. 

·       Reduced caffeine dependence. 

·       Your alertness is improved and 

·       Here's one more bonus I'll share: that you have sharper focus and short-term memory. 

Now listen, I know. I know that everything that we look up online on the worldwide intraweb is not necessarily true, and I did specifically put in my question evidence for good. Now I'm not going to look up evidence for bad to support waking up the same time each day, because that would not support my argument. 

As a card-carrying member of the 5am club, I don't want to look for bad intel related to that. Hey, truthfully, ultimately you must do you. You must choose how you roll best and implement habits that work for you. So we're practicing the art of the reframe here. 

Now, what does this have to do with being a supersonic stepmom in your blended family? Everything, because it's important that we look at things outside of being emotional about them, so that when we evaluate our habits, that we want to flip things for the good, that we can do it with less emotion driving our decisions. 

That's where habits really come into play. So, next up, let's look at a stepmom specific example. We'll look at the cue, we'll look at the routine and then we'll identify what the reward is. Okay, let's dive into this as an example. Think about when someone says I'm sorry they say it a lot when I think about the times that I spend with entrepreneurs, virtually working with them, or working with life coaching clients, or talking with a friend over coffee it could be me or it could be my friend and we're saying two words, or I guess they could be three, but we're saying these two words strung together and they come up a lot in conversations. 

Do you know what those two words are? I'm sorry Now, I'm not trying to be tricky McTrickster here, but that is actually not the cue. That is the behavior. Speaking those words, I am sorry is the behavior. So there's a cue that happens before it. 

What is the cue? Well, because I use the examples of having conversations with people. The cue is usually where someone feels like they're over-sharing or they've had this pent up emotion inside of themselves and they haven't been able to explain to anyone else what it is that they've been dealing with. And they're finally in a situation where they experience trust, where they feel safe and they're in the right place at the right time with the right person who will receive what that woman is sharing. And as the woman shares and as she realizes there's so much stored up, tension and hurt and emotional disappointment and frustration, she realizes, oh my gosh, I have way overshared here. I'm way out of bounds, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I shared that. That's the cue or the trigger, this what I'll term succinctly as over sharing. 

And then the behavior. The routine is apologizing, saying I'm sorry. Now listen, when we speak, these I am statements over ourselves, they have power over us. And when we speak, I am sorry, we can experience what do I want to say? A lack of self-esteem because we're overly apologetic. 

Listen, I want to share with you that it is okay. Whatever emotion you are experiencing, whatever frustration or angst you're experiencing, especially if you have not been able to share the heart of your journey. It's going to come out volcano style, because when you find somebody who listens to you, it is it's. We need to become unburdened. This is why we need each other, by the way. 

This is why we need each other in community, because we need to support one another so we can share our experiences and help create some habits with working together that help us move through the frustration, or move through the hurt, or to see a light at the end of the tunnel. So this, I am sorry, is the behavior and the trigger is, we're going to say, oversharing. Well, what is the reward? 

There's definitely value in becoming unburdened and we can feel lighter when we share. Yes, that is true, yes, and I've noticed when there is excessive apologizing, there's a little bit of judgment in there, and that judgment does impact your self-esteem. It may not fully take away the reward of being unburdened, but it does diminish the return of the relief. If you will, and since we're talking about marginal wins, changing I'm sorry to something else is what I would recommend to improve this habit loop. 

So you have a need where you will become unburdened by sharing something with someone that you trust your behavior with that cue. When you share, instead of saying I'm sorry, what would happen if you said thank you for listening? Are you willing to try that? 

16:16

This is your mission for this week with this specific habit loop. Because if I know anything about myself, I know that I say I'm sorry somewhat too often. I really want to mean it when I say I'm sorry, and when I accidentally bump into someone, instead of saying I'm sorry, I can say excuse me or are you okay. There are different things that we can say and it's a matter of how we're talking about ourselves to ourselves, because your voice, it's the most powerful voice, it's your most trusted voice. 

That's why we respond to all of these messages, whether they're out loud or it's the self-talk in our heads. Our words have power because we are daughters of the King, we are daughters of the possessor and the creator of heaven and earth. He spoke them in to being. 

This week, as you go about your habit implementation. I pray that you speak powerful goodness in to being, that you practice the art of the reframe, that you get curious about the things, that you are speaking over yourself, that you pick a habit or you pick an outcome that you may not necessarily like and you decide to practice the art of the reframe to say, okay, I'm going to identify the cue, I'm going to identify the behavior and I'm going to identify the outcome. So, if I want a different outcome, I'm going to have to change something. I'm going to have to change the cue or I'm going to have to change the behavior. 

I love hearing about your successes. Share your successes for your habit modifications inside the Facebook group or send me an email to friends@stepfamilypodcast.com . 

Hey, if you want to exercise a new habit, I'm going to ask you, if you have not submitted a five star review on your favorite podcasting platform, to leave a five-star review. Use your voice as a voice of influence to lead other women to this community so that we can move forward together, one incremental change at a time. 

All right, let me share this review with you. It comes to us from Terry Watkins on the Apple Podcast platform Great podcast, what a great show for women to grow in their faith while setting good habits. 

See! Short and sweet and powerful. Terry, thanks so much for taking the time to leave a five-star review. I appreciate you and I certainly appreciate you joining us inside the empowered stepmom community. All right, I pray God blesses you and I will catch you next week. Ps, if you were that deal maker at the beginning of the podcast who said, Jen, I'm just going to listen to this one first. This is your friendly reminder Go back and listen to episode number 207.