Top 3 Motivation Killers and How To Avoid Falling Into Those Death Traps #214

By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away with more clarity on what motivates you.  If you’re like me, motivations and goals are mostly synonymous. Here’s a slight distinction between the two:  goals are your compass and motivations are the energy to achieve the goal. This is why we go into the middle of our messes to learn what got us there to begin with.  Ready to dive in?

💥My mission is to help you conquer second-wife syndrome for good.....So you can stop wrestling and start investing you time, money and energy into your dreams.

Each week, I’ll share biblical principles so you can grow in intimacy in your marriage.  Together, we’ll drill down and uncover how “habits and self-awareness” is the savvy woman’s path to create the change they crave.  

Most importantly, we’ll honor exactly where you are, right now.  The most exciting thing about where you are?  You’re here! In a nurturing space where you’re ready to learn, tactically, how you can more fully embrace the anointing God has placed on your life. 

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Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Philippians 4:6

Chapters

• 0:00 Let's Get it!
• 0:58 What motivates you, sweet friend?
• 1:50 Things we definitely DO. NOT. WANT
• 1:51 “I don’t want to feel like I’m second to my Stepkids in my relationship with my husband.”
• 3:46 Distinctions between motivations and goals
• 6:43 Three death traps that kill motivation
• 9:14 That thing is NOT the thing!
• 10:10 Growing in intimacy together as a couple
• 11:53 Powerful coaching and guidance for life! 5-Star review from Kris

Transcript

The Empowered Stepmom™| Biblical Boundaries, Habits, Mindset

214 \\ Top 3 Motivation Killers and How To Avoid Falling Into Those Death Traps

My mission is to help you conquer second-wife syndrome for good.....So you can stop wrestling and start investing you time, money and energy into your dreams.

Jen Rogers, Hostess 00:00

Rex is snuggled next to me, and when I say snuggled I mean 80 pounds plus of canine flesh, covered by the beauty of a golden retriever's fur coat, nearly on top of me. 

 Incidentally, I'm sure golden fur is what necessitated the invention of the Hoover vacuum cleaner. 

 Rex's motivation? To comfort, or be comforted, in the top three ways he prefers.

 Number one: snuggle time.

Number two: food.

Number three: playtime with his humans. 

Hmm, he is a golden, so that number two, food, well…that may be his number one! No matter the order, you get the point. 

What motivates you, sweet friend? If I asked you your top three motivations, what would rise to the top for you?

Do you hear those crickets? Me too. 

00:59

Let's think about those top three motivations differently. You know, when you learn more about what you do want by naming what you don't want. Hey, if you're not driving, swiffering or changing the baby's diaper, snag your journal and begin writing out all those things you know for sure you do not want. If you're the beautiful poster woman of the Hot Mess Express, you're going to make it sis and your journal is the last thing you can reach right now. Get ready to pause the recording in one hot sec so you can belt out your own song of. These are the things I know I don't want. 

If you need a nudge to get started, here are common things my clients share that they know, 100% for sure, they

Do.

Not.

Want. 

“I don’t want to shrink back, Jen.”

“I’m tired of feeling so small when I’m in a high-conflict situation. I don’t want to feel small or insignificant or worse, unwanted.”

01:50

“I don’t want to feel like I’m second to my Stepkids in my relationship with my husband.”

“I don’t want to feel like we’re always saying no because we’re broke.”

“I don’t want to say we’re broke anymore because I don’t want to be broke any more. I don’t’ want to fight about the money.”

Hit the pause button and come on back to me when you’re ready, declaring all those things you do not want.

Welcome back!

Did you scream out loud what you don't want? That's totally cool. In fact, from personal experience, I highly recommend going on a secluded walk and screaming out loud those things you don't want. 

Sometimes that's the best medicine movement and not so melodious bellowing out those things that weigh us down. 

02:49

In today's episode, Number 214 of the Empowered Stepmom Podcast, we'll get as clear as my golden retriever, Rex on our top three motivations by identifying those three things that kill motivation. 

Once we know those three death traps, you can prepare in advance to avoid them. 

We know there are minefields in this stepmom journey that we simply cannot prepare for. 

However, when we build a strong foundation and know what we want, we grow in confidence because we're growing in knowledge. When we have more confidence in our abilities, we seek new things because we glean insights on what we want most. When we know what we want, we're more likely to be motivated by our success to build on it and achieve our goals faster. 

By the end of today's episode, you'll walk away with clarity on what motivates you. 

03:46

If you're like me, motivations and goals, they're mostly synonymous. Here's a slight distinction between the two. Goals are really more like your compass, and motivations, they're the energy that fuels your compass so you can achieve the goal. 

This is why we go into the middle of our messes to learn what God is here to begin with. This is why studying our habits and learning from them is crucial to our success, both within and outside of our home lives. 

04:16

The mission of the Empowered Stepmom Podcast is to get downright analytical and use our emotions as intelligence. 

 In this podcast, I’ll teach you how to:

🟢 stop chasing perfection

🟢 identify boundaries that will work for you

🟢 communicate effectively with your husband, even when you disagree

🟢 co-parent successfully + promote peace in your home

🟢 gain wisdom on dealing with difficult in-laws, outlaws, and exes

🟢 implement small changes with confidence

🟢 embrace God’s anointing of you as a stepmom

 Hey there, I'm Jen Rogers, Certified Professional Life Coach, podcast Hostess with the Mostest, and a woman who loves sharing with you how you can easily implement small changes and grow your confidence authentically.

You'll find out how, here on the podcast and inside the community I've created for faith-fueled women who seek the Lord, because we know God says, “When you seek me with all your heart, you will find me,” and we serve a God who does what he says always. 

05:21

I'm showing up each week with you to practice the belief that not only are you an influential woman, that you are exactly in the family God designed to strengthen and empower you. 

God created you to flourish. 

My mission is to help you conquer second wife syndrome for good. Each week, I'll share insider secrets so you can grow in intimacy in your marriage. Together we'll drill down and uncover how habits and self-awareness is the savvy woman's path to create the change they crave. Most importantly, we'll honor exactly where you are right now. 

05:57

The most exciting thing about where you are -- You're here in a nurturing space, where you're ready to learn tactically how you can more fully embrace the anointing God has placed on your life. 

You know the number one roadblock to embracing that anointing?

I’m sure you do!

It's a lack of boundaries. 

Not just how others are treating you in your home, but, even more importantly, how you are honoring yourself as a woman. This is exactly why I created this number one download in our community Get your Power Back Handbook for Stepmoms. 

If you're ready to reclaim your God-given dominion, sign up for this free, bonus packed resource. The Get your Power Back Handbook at buildbetterboundaries.com .  

06:43

So what are those three death traps that kill motivation and prevent you from achieving what you want? I'll list one and then invite you to a journal prompt before we move on to the next one. 

Okay, (Death trap) Number one believing it's all or nothing. 

You know your stepkids come over on transition day and they seem out of sorts, rude or they outright ignore you?

This is where your confidence, self-awareness and emotional intelligence come into play. 

Truthfully, their behavior is reflective of their level of maturity, their experience and their emotional state. While analytically we know no child respects their parent 100% of the time, we tend to stack up offenses and create unrealistic expectations. 

⚔ 📒📓 Journal prompt number one:

Ask yourself - what unrealistic expectations are in the gap between where I am right now and the goal I have in mind. 

For example, if you want deeper connection with your stepkids, what's in the gap between where you are and your goal of deeper connection? 

07:58

Death trap number two the not so good old quick fix. 

Hey, we know good things do take time. We just don't want to wait around for our good thing. Especially when we blend families. We often overlook the emotional trauma many come into the family with.

Whether kids have lost a parent through divorce or your spouse has lost his first wife through death, there's a healing journey in between the loss and the future healing. More often than not, stepfamilies are formed and this trauma is still quite present. 

⚔ 📒📓 Journal prompt two: 

Ask yourself what emotional trauma may my step kids be experiencing right now? 

Death trap number three: Thinking that one size fits all. 

08:54

You've heard this thing works for someone else and you're willing to try…well, just about anything. At this point, when you put it into practice, it bombs. 

Talk about a demotivating death trap. Your confidence plummets and your frustration grows. 

Here's the thing, whether you hear something on this podcast, you read it in a book or you sense a prompting to move in a certain direction, when we go into these things with curiosity, we will learn from them. 

The thing is, we might learn that that thing is not the thing, and that's OK. This is how we learn. We go in curious and we go in with a purposeful sense of moving in a direction that we know God is calling us to go. 

⚔ 📒📓 Journal prompt number three:

Identify two to three things that may work for you to achieve your goals. 

09:48

For example, as an entrepreneur, one of my greatest challenges is working alone for so much of the time. I'm curious and sociable. I like to connect with people. 

I now practice intentional work time with other entrepreneurs. It may sound silly, but knowing there's somebody in that zoom room with me holds me accountable to do the work. 

10:10

Let's put this in the context of growing in intimacy together as a couple. If you're wanting to go out more regularly on dates with your hunka-hunka, schedule one date night a month with friends and go hang up together to nourish your relationship with your man and grow your friendships to having an accountability buddy is the most powerful way to move forward fast. 

Speaking of accountability, that's exactly what you'll get inside the Facebook community. We'll talk about these three death traps:

#1 Believing it's all or nothing. 

#2 A quick fix. 

#3 Thinking that one size fits all. 

And we'll talk about more things besides the death traps common to step family couples. 

10:57

Hey, I hope you say yes to joining us inside the Facebook community. Just click on the link in the show notes and come on inside. 

Remember, sis, you are in this for all the life God has gifted to you. Make it your best life now, one small change at a time. 

If you're looking for a woman to lead you out of the desert and into the promise land, I'd love to meet with you. Know how? Head on over to stepfamilypodcast.com/WorkWithJen to take the empowerment quiz. 

It's the easiest first step you'll ever take. Hey, God bless you! 

And PS. If today's episode helped you, loved on you or supported you on your journey, will you invite more women to our community?

The best way to do that is by leaving a 5-star review on your favorite listening platform or telling a friend to subscribe to the show. Special shout out to Kris for leaving this review. 

11:53

Powerful coaching and guidance for life.

“Loving the episodes on mindset, habits and relationships. Jen is enthusiastic, relatable and knowledgeable in sharing tips, research strategies and scripture in her episodes. She is upbeat and keeps me engaged. I learn something new every time.”

Thank you, Kris. I love that! I learn something new every time I put these podcast episodes together as well. 

I do love hearing from you and I love sharing where God is at work in our families. All right, love, I will catch you next week.